This weekend I was a part of the Wayne Pop virtual conference. There were 4-5 sessions per day with time in between to be off of Zoom and take a break. It felt so good. Not only to be able to be a part of a conference without all of the stress of attending, but to be part of a conference again.
I was able to engage with academic discussions and other academics in ways that I haven’t been able to for a while. It’s been refreshing. I have another conference coming up in a few weeks and I’m still working out exactly how I’m putting the argument I’m making. Also I’m trying to figure out how to put that argument in a publishable form. Being at this conference is helping me with that!
Engaging with other graduate students and other academics has helped me reframe some of how I’ve been approaching my dissertation. As an introvert, I have had anxiety rise whenever I think about starting the interview process of my dissertation. I’m not talking with anyone I don’t know, but there’s still that pressure of it being for my dissertation. Yesterday I realized that it’s not so much that I’m collecting data for my dissertation as much as I’m having conversations with friends about their experience with Hamilton in relation to mine. Yes, the results are going to be a part of my dissertation, but by putting that first–a conversation–I don’t feel nearly as anxious. Now the anxiety is in the logistics, but that’s a more manageable anxiety.
I’ve also figured out a better way of thinking about and explaining my research/scholarly focus. What my work does is investigate and argue for how popular culture opens doors in those walls that contain cultures and communities, allowing someone from the outside the opportunity to come and see what it’s about and learn about it the best they can as an outsider, while still keeping the structures in place that keep the culture or community in place. Most of those texts tend to deviate from the norm because they feature people and cultures outside of the norm. Figuring this out has helped me figure out how to appeal to different departments and areas as I desperately try to find a job. Knowing who I am as a scholar makes it easier to tell the hiring committees why I am someone they want to talk to.
And now that the conference is done for the day, I’m going to go relax so my brain can take a break from all this academia. As much as I enjoy it and it is stimulating, I need a break or I’ll loose interest in it. Hence, ending this post with a video of a song that helps me get past imposter syndrome.
Deviate from the Norm 