Being in graduate school at the same place for both my master’s and my PhD means I have seen a lot of people working on their dissertations. I have seen the way dissertations can effect people. One friend has said they have some PTSD from their dissertation process and I just want to hug them. Two of my friends in my cohort have had to change their dissertations to some degree because COVID-19 has preventing them from doing the research they planned. I find myself really lucky to have seen Hamilton 4 times before COVID came along and shut theatre down.
At the same time, I have had my own struggles with my dissertation. Some of which I have written about here. One has been figuring out that new thing I am bringing to the field with it. A dissertation has to bring together existing theories and research to create something new, bring something new to the field. It is a lot of pressure. Of course, some of that pressure comes from your committee and how you work with them. I am really lucky to have picked three understanding and supportive people to be my committee. They all know that I am really passionate about my topic, and have been supportive and have the right way–for me–of nudging me in the right direction overall while letting the work still be mine.
There is one theory that I have been wanting to make the central theory on which my work will build and expand on, but it’s taken a while for me to finally get to the point where I can see how it can work as that central theory. I’ve finally gotten there! I know that the important thing is that I got there, but there is a timeline that I do need to stick to in order to get it done. I need to get the dissertation finished so I can graduate so I can go out into academia and get my career going.
I have had, and still do at times, problems with comparing my own progress and experiences to others. And school doesn’t help with that. While we’re a cohort, every one of us is doing very different dissertations with very different end goals and different research foci and styles. Yet, we all took the same classes and were told “This is how you do it” when I knew that I’d be doing it differently. That has been the best thing about this whole pandemic: I’ve been on my own. I don’t have well-intentioned professors telling me how I should be writing or researching. I don’t have to do reading outside of my research. I can sink myself into my research and let it really sink in without any distractions.
And that’s part of why I finally understand that theory that’s been eluding me for 6 years. When I was rereading the first chapter of the book for what felt like the millionth time, I was not just thinking about it in terms of Hamilton but in terms of side ideas for projects I’ve had. It led me to create an abstract for a presentation at the national PCA conference on how this theory relates to all three of those projects. An abstract and presentation I believe I can actually turn into a journal article! This is the first time I’ve come up with something to present at a conference that isn’t either related to my dissertation or thesis and I can turn into something bigger that stands on its own!
There are so many thing that I want to be working on right now. I want to revisit my thesis and expand it out into a monograph that stands on its own and clearly makes the point I want it to make. I want to keep talking about the importance of portraying disability and Deafness in superhero comics accurately and the impact that representation–both good and bad–has on readers. But none of that is related to my dissertation. I tried. It doesn’t work. Trying to work on two so separate things is too much for me right now. Possibly period. But it’s okay. I can come back to it later. It’s still there waiting for me.
I’m writing all of this for that frustrated grad student out there who needs to hear it. I’m writing this for the grad student that I have been many times and the academic I’m sure I’ll be. You can do it. Listen to yourself. If you feel like this is the right path, keep going. If you feel like you need to set something aside, set it aside. At the right time, you’ll come back to it. There are going to be distractions: class, conferences, culture. Things are going to come up that you’re going to write on. Make note of them. Make plans for them. But don’t let them derail you. You are the one in control of where this whole thing is going. Not your professors, not everyone else’s progress. You. Sometimes there are things that you cannot control and they are going to negatively effect you and your work. Take the time to deal with them and heal. But keep going. You can do it!
Deviate from the Norm 